Some things I still don’t understand

Summer of 2006, I was still getting re-acclimated to my city. Besides the obvious physical changes, I didn’t have any of the friend base I had had before. With all of my friends not having come back I began hanging out with old friends who had not been here before, and made new friends. My socialization time drastically increased and the number of hangout spots I would frequent increased with it. One night at one of these spots that was kind of underground I guess, in that not many people knew of it, and the played a lot of old school hip hop, I started a conversation with this girl. Nothing fancy, but she came across as the kind of woman who was very demanding to be in control of things. She was really sharp, and had a no bullshit attitude, or as our beloved Lil Boosie would say; she was a “Bad Bitch.” Anyway, I began seeing her more and more at these spots, especially this one. She gave off this aura like she was too good for men, but not in a stuck-up way, just in a “Niggas ain’t shit” kinda way. That is until we were in this other spot one night and she revealed for one reason or another that she had been frequenting the first spot so much because she had been seeing this guy in private who was affiliated with the bar. At first she wanted not to reveal anything which told me it was someone I knew. Immidiately I guessed it could only be one person. And when I asked her she responded yes. Now the thing is, there were two guys who worked together and had very similar sounding names. I was friends with one and just cool with the other. So when I asked I assumed it was the one I wasn’t that cool with because I knew for a fact the one I was cooler with had a girlfriend. I had met her when she visited from out of town, and we had quite an in-depth discourse about some things. The other one I wasn’t as sure about but I thought I had heard he was involved too. So I blurted out “Oh, ok, I thought he had a girlfriend.” Yeah I know that violates all the principles of the guy code. But first of all let me say that it was a mistake. I was more just talking out loud than passing information. And second and most important, I don’t believe in that Guy Code bullshit anyway. Most of the time I just feel if something is not my buisness I don’t need to be the messenger. And as far as my friends are concerned I have loyalties to them. But I don’t give two damns whether some random dude is busted or not. If my friend is a woman than she gets my loyalty over some nigga anyway. Point being though, I didn’t mean to say that because in hindsight it was out of place.

So she rebutted back at me, her face now having changed from lighthearted butterflies, to angry wolf, “No, he doesn’t!” And her friend sitting next to her also confirmed this somewhat angrily. I responded simply “Ok.” Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t, but I certainly wasn’t going to argue about it because I had probably said too much already, I blame the Long Island which was my drink of choice at the time. So anyway, not five minutes later I see her walking to confront a man about whether he has a girlfriend or not, except of course, she doesn’t go to confront the guy I insinuated had a girlfriend. She went to confront the similar sounding name guy who I was friends with and was certain had a girlfriend! Lawd! She gives him a very angry talking to which he obviously deflects with her having gotten bad information, which ironically is true and untrue. And she proceeds to go directly to the dance floor and start dancing with the first guy she sees, which I asume is to make the guy with the girlfriend jealous.

Well played.

Fast-forward an hour and I see the two of them on a sofa her staring angrily and defiantly into the room as he tries to explain himself. Fastforward another 20 minutes and I see them making out on this very couch.

But that’s not the crazy part!

So anyway, I’m not so clear on the details of how this happens because at the time I didn’t know it would make for such great comedy. I have purged most of the information. But I do know that about two months later I run into this girl again after having not seen her since that evening. Now instead of being sharp and in control, she’s bitter and aloof. She is fussing about how “Niggas ain’t shit” but without that air of confidence she had when she knew she was above fucking with a “Ain’t shit Nigga.” She doesn’t say this but I assume she hasn’t been around to any of the spots in the last few months because she found out the dude was in fact involved with another girl. Sucks for her I guess.

Fast forward a year

The girl has graduated from her grad school and moved back to her native city.

Fastforward another year.

Mardi Gras 2008 I’m standing in the middle of the street amongst some of the people, in my desparation, I had begun hanging with more frequently. I don’t hang out with them as much now because as opposed to trying to make new friends I’ve chosen to sulk in the loss of friends I once had at my disposal. That being said I do see them on events like this one. So we’re all out there and all of a sudden I get a big hug from nowhere from the girl. We exchange “Hey strangers” and very briefly begin a catching up session. I was not opposed to catching up but I honestly wasn’t too interested, and my lifelong friends were in town so I was anxious to get back to them and our Mardi Gras debauchery. But I couldn’t escape before with this very gleeful look on her face she expressed to me that she had a boyfriend now. “Wow” I said, because in our initial meeting when she seemed so sharp she was all about her I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.C.E. But just like that she was no longer a “Bad Bitch” she was now Keyshia Cole. This must be a great thing for her to be so happy about the adaptation. I asked who she was seeing assuming it was some professional in her hometown that I wouldn’t know anyway. And as if I hadn’t already learned this lesson about women many, many times, you all knew it was the same guy that she had been dating before. I said “Oh, good for you guys.” trying not to let my own impression of that situation interfere with her good mood. But I quickly had to disengage from the conversation because I just couldn’t handle it anymore.

Here’s the part I don’t understand. I know women make bad decisions all the time. I know they fall in love with the wrong guy at a more frequent rate once they find out he’s the wrong guy. I know they stay with him hoping things will work out. But what I can’t understand for the life of me, is with her knowing I know that she’s guilty of all these things, why would she approach ME with such joy as if she expected me to be happy for her about this development? She can’t possibly think with all the information about this situation I would think that was a good thing. I can’t even apply the term ignorance is bliss to her situation. The only term I can think of is “Bless!”


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