Late night with A&G

The grammar is terrible but the content may be worth something.

rasta FENIX: to bed i say
Gian Smith: man
Gian Smith: I started feeling spiritual as a MF
rasta FENIX: lol
Gian Smith: I’m writing apology letters to my ex girlfriends
rasta FENIX: watchin more porn huh?
Gian Smith: nah
rasta FENIX: dayum
Gian Smith: I was looking for something and I found an old email
Gian Smith: and it prompted me to read some emails froman ex
Gian Smith: and I realized how bad I fucked over her
Gian Smith: but the thing is
rasta FENIX: wow..
rasta FENIX: tha’s pretty noble of u.
Gian Smith: even after we broke up I was still blaming her for shit
Gian Smith: when I was really doing allkind of fucked up stuff she neverhad a clue about
Gian Smith: An I been talking a lot of shit tomyself lately about how righteous I am and shit
rasta FENIX: ah
Gian Smith: so I figured it was some punk shit to think sohighly of myself but still be perpetuating the misconception I was an angel
rasta FENIX: u heard that akon song
rasta FENIX: im sorry?
Gian Smith: when I really was aanything but
Gian Smith: nah
Gian Smith: fuck Akon
rasta FENIX: i agree
rasta FENIX: fuck akon.
Gian Smith: lol
rasta FENIX: i HATE his music
rasta FENIX: but i admit
rasta FENIX: the song was some of the realist shit ive heard
rasta FENIX: his entire song.. was sayin “blame me” it was my fault.. i take responsibility for.. x, y, and z
rasta FENIX: . like to his mom.. to his girl.. to his friends.. to his fans (however few there might be)
Gian Smith: lol
Gian Smith: nigga was like …
Gian Smith: my bad for this shitty ass album
rasta FENIX: lol
Gian Smith: nigga trying to get out his contract
rasta FENIX: basicly
rasta FENIX: LOLLLL
rasta FENIX: really though.. lyrically.. its not strong.. but content wise.. its pretty honarable shit
5:20 AM
rasta FENIX: neway.. sorry to interrupt
Gian Smith: check your email
5:25 AM
rasta FENIX: good shit
5:30 AM
rasta FENIX: impressive,,, on many levels,, and for wat its worth,, im proud of u
Gian Smith: thanks
rasta FENIX: pass it on
Gian Smith: I think it’s going to liberate me
Gian Smith: not that I felt opressed
rasta FENIX: as it should
rasta FENIX: not that u should hsve
rasta FENIX: or maybe u should have
Gian Smith: but I can feel like I actually am worthy of the distinction I try to give meyself of being honest with women
Gian Smith: lol
rasta FENIX: and your knowing NOW that u should have felt oppressed,,, is in itself a liberation
rasta FENIX: true indeed
Gian Smith: hmm
Gian Smith: that’s the best kind of liberation
Gian Smith: because you don’thave to go through the bad feelings of being opressed
rasta FENIX: glad u agree.
Gian Smith: you just have to know you should have felt bad about it
rasta FENIX: true
rasta FENIX: ya know what.
rasta FENIX: i dont think ive been an out an out bad guy to any of my women
rasta FENIX: .though.. a bit of what u said.. in terms of blame placing could apply to me. im sure. (though.. i feel ive been wronged more than any of them)
rasta FENIX: maybe im not grown or mature enough to admit any further.
rasta FENIX: my problem is this
rasta FENIX: i consider myself average
rasta FENIX: .. i think im a regular guy..
rasta FENIX: .. and .. people so often tell me NO.. u’re spectacular
rasta FENIX: . at which point. im like NOO.. im realy like.. your AVERAGE guy.
rasta FENIX: and they’re like.. look at u .. ur so humble
rasta FENIX: im like .. noo really.. ur missing it
rasta FENIX: i have cheated.. i have lied.. i have stolen (i thnk ).. i am weak on many fronts.
rasta FENIX: i am lazy.. and lack ambition more often than not.
rasta FENIX: but.. all people seem to toss accolades at me like cocnuts during zulu
rasta FENIX: .. and im like.. SHEESH
Gian Smith: I know what you’re saying
Gian Smith: really I do
rasta FENIX: and its like.. WTF can i do..
Gian Smith: but you have to realize that just because you’re HUMAN
Gian Smith: doesn’tmean you aren’t also spectacular
rasta FENIX: i guess.
Gian Smith: you can take it as a complimnet if you want
Gian Smith: but it’s also a burden
Gian Smith: it’s not a choice to have an aura
rasta FENIX: .. oh.. definately a burden
Gian Smith: it’s just what happens
Gian Smith: people gravitate towards you
Gian Smith: regardless of the faults they choose to ignore
rasta FENIX: .. i feel as though.. people’s view of me.. no matter how inaccurate.. dictates what the expect of me.. and when and if if DONT deliver.. THEN.. the disappointment is multiplied.. and what can i really say “told you i was regular”
rasta FENIX: faults?…. what faults
rasta FENIX: lol
Gian Smith: you have gifts and magnetism which superceedes your faults as long as you aren’t hurting anyone
Gian Smith: lol
Gian Smith: um
Gian Smith: scroll up
rasta FENIX: hey hey hey.. i dont know if these faults u speak of.
5:40 AM
Gian Smith: nigga you spoke em
Gian Smith: I just cosigned
rasta FENIX: and i dont know why was writing in this window earlier
Gian Smith: nigga wrote a soliloquy bout his faults
Gian Smith: so….
Gian Smith: youve been afraid of not living up to expectation for two decades
Gian Smith: yet you continue to exceede expectations
Gian Smith: what does that tell you?
Gian Smith: maybe if you spent less time worrying about failing you might actually fail
rasta FENIX: that the world is a horrible place with rediculously low standards
Gian Smith: and from there you would acheive
rasta FENIX: maybe ill only achieve at failing .. if i fail to achieve
Gian Smith: and now we’re right back to it’s nothing
rasta FENIX: .. yes..
rasta FENIX: its always nothin.
rasta FENIX: .. seriously though.. u read my speal about being average.. right
Gian Smith: yeah
rasta FENIX: we spoke of that before
Gian Smith: yep
rasta FENIX: if i tell a hoe.. im FAT.
rasta FENIX: .. hoes is like.. NO U NOOOOT.. IMMM FAT..
rasta FENIX: im like.. bitch u aint seen my stomach..
rasta FENIX: .. but i know u aint fat though..
rasta FENIX: how is it that when one is honest with onesself.. the world keeps lyin to you
5:45 AM
Gian Smith: LOL
Gian Smith: people see what they want
Gian Smith: we all know this
rasta FENIX: i guess that’s the long and the shirrt of it
Gian Smith: so if people only see the good in you so be it
rasta FENIX: short
Gian Smith: here’s the thing
Gian Smith: and let me preface this with a nohomo
rasta FENIX: lol
Gian Smith: the thing that makes you most spectacular is that you use your powers to do more good than evil
rasta FENIX: is that REALLY so rare?
Gian Smith: I’m sure you feel bad about things that happen with women who you aren’t on the same level as they are with you
Gian Smith: and maybe you should
rasta FENIX: .. i mean.. i know im naive.. but.. am i completely anne frank’n round this bitch
Gian Smith: well
rasta FENIX: yeah
Gian Smith: most people who have your gifts would be totally manipulative
Gian Smith: and lack regard for those who fell beneath them
Gian Smith: they would use the Young Goodman Browns of the world
rasta FENIX: i beg to differ.. i feel as though the gifts i have .. came to me.. with some understanding of my ability..
Gian Smith: they would use the Susies and the Janes
Gian Smith: and I’m sure on some level you feel like you use all of them
rasta FENIX: the confidence to have swagger came from being able to recognize how people see me..
rasta FENIX: use the Young Goodman Browns?
Gian Smith: sure
rasta FENIX: …?
Gian Smith: I don’t know how
Gian Smith: maybe you feel like you use his loyaty
Gian Smith: maybe you don’t
Gian Smith: but the thing is you could use his loyalty
Gian Smith: if you wanted to
Gian Smith: in a way that would be detrimental to him
rasta FENIX: i never even considered that.
Gian Smith: but you use people in a fashion that brings them up as well
Gian Smith: which is a spectacular thing
rasta FENIX: the thing is.. i DO think he’s a pathetic lil twirp (ONLY in the sense of his self image)… but.. i think he’s a powerful man.. who doesnt recognize his own ability… in a sence i feel that he DOES have control .. and cant be so easily manipulated.. (but chooses to let it happen)
rasta FENIX: bring them up?
rasta FENIX: i intend to.. but i cant say that i see myself actually doing this
Gian Smith: well
Gian Smith: how many women have you talked to to who’ve been in relationships where they felt like they were constantly giving
Gian Smith: probably all of them have felt that way
Gian Smith: Now of all the vast relationships you have with women how many of them do you think feel like you’re being that kind of a burden to them
Gian Smith: there are guys with charm, money, good looks who only want to conquer women
Gian Smith: gain their submission
rasta FENIX: ya lost me with the first part of this.
rasta FENIX: i gotta re read it
Gian Smith: but you present a symbiotic relationship
Gian Smith: this is what I’m saying
Gian Smith: tosummise
Gian Smith: people (men and women) are always going to want more from you than you have or even want to give
rasta FENIX: ya think
rasta FENIX: ..
Gian Smith: I truly feel the majority of people in the world would offer the promise of things they did not intend on giving if they were in your shoes
rasta FENIX: …. i admit some would.
rasta FENIX: but.. i feel that .. once u have what i have.. and are in MY shoes..
Gian Smith: but you give people what you will of yourself without creating the unrealistc/unhealthy expectation
rasta FENIX: then u. dont see the value in it
Gian Smith: crazy talk
Gian Smith: I don’t think you realize how much we have in common
rasta FENIX: lol
rasta FENIX: oh contrair
Gian Smith: there is a portion of the world you rarely come in contact with who feel the way about me that people feel about you
Gian Smith: I’ve been revered
Gian Smith: so much to the point of self doubt to whether it was deserved or if I was just a fraud
Gian Smith: But through great self-reflection I realised that it’s not an accident that those people saw me that way
Gian Smith: and that my heart and my good intentions were what would separate me from the man I want to be and the man I feared I might be
rasta FENIX: so..
rasta FENIX: that leaves u at the man u are.
rasta FENIX: but where does he fall on that scale
6:00 AM
Gian Smith: well that’s the thing
Gian Smith: in order to become the man I am I had to humble myself a great deal
Gian Smith: because I couldn’t handle my own arrogance
Gian Smith: I thought a little too highly of myself
Gian Smith: in that I had to give up some of my “swagger”
rasta FENIX: tha’s our difference.
rasta FENIX: i feel i have an edge up on the world in ONE regard.. (i know the truth about me).
rasta FENIX: .. tha truth is that. im fuckin AVERAGE
Gian Smith: there’s a difference between HUMAN and AVERAGE
Gian Smith: you are capable of all things manis capable of
Gian Smith: an average person is not as well received nor do they know how to reciprocate their reception
rasta FENIX: ok.. that.. makes sense..
rasta FENIX: and on that i stand corrected.
Gian Smith: I think it would do you a great service to fail at something
Gian Smith: something visible
rasta FENIX: touche
Gian Smith: so that you could see that people would still have faith in you
rasta FENIX: i fail all the time
Gian Smith: but not visibly
rasta FENIX: they just ignore that shit..and act like it didnt happen
Gian Smith: not publicly visibly
Gian Smith: hmmm
Gian Smith: maybe
Gian Smith: I can see that too
rasta FENIX: basketball, karate, school, what cha got
Gian Smith: but I guess that’s what I’m saying
Gian Smith: is that people can see you fail if they want to
Gian Smith: but they don’t want to
Gian Smith: and they’ll always believe in you
Gian Smith: but it’s not an accident
Gian Smith: once again
Gian Smith: let’s bring this back to me
Gian Smith: You will sit here and tell me how great a writer you feel I am
Gian Smith: and I feel like I am a great writer
Gian Smith: but at what gain?
Gian Smith: I could have written a book 7 years ago
Gian Smith: but I haven’t
Gian Smith: in m mind that’s a faliure
rasta FENIX: .. cuz u wack
Gian Smith: precisely
rasta FENIX: and it is
rasta FENIX: u’re a great writer.. who happens to be wack
Gian Smith: but you don’t see me as a failure because you know my potential
Gian Smith: it’s not your goal for me to have writtena book 7 years ago
Gian Smith: so I haven’t failed in your eyes
Gian Smith: you know that someday I will have completed a book you will pass along to your friends
Gian Smith: and for that reason you believe in me
Gian Smith: same thing
rasta FENIX: .. i say my following statement with the utmost respect… but.. i feel that YOU are more like me than a LOTTA other people.. and by saying that. i DO feel u are hella average.. and that the world sees what they want of u. (myself included) it takes removal of myself from the equation to say that.. but i feel that way
Gian Smith: if I’m average
Gian Smith: and you’re average
Gian Smith: then we’re all average
rasta FENIX: uhhuh
Gian Smith: now aren’t we
rasta FENIX: .. nahh
rasta FENIX: .. the rest of them fuckas.. is sub par
Gian Smith: who is spectacular?
Gian Smith: Michael Jordan?
rasta FENIX: .. melissa ford
Gian Smith: Puffy?
rasta FENIX: oh. puff is truly stupendous
Gian Smith: Niggas who are driven by their insecurities
rasta FENIX: .. he’s a god in the flesh
Gian Smith: lol
rasta FENIX: puff is the truth
rasta FENIX: . dont nobody betta say nuthin bad about sean combs.. lol
Gian Smith: I submit that people with spectacular acheivements aren’t necessarily spectacular people
rasta FENIX: hmm.
rasta FENIX: so a man cannot be judged by his actions in your book
Gian Smith: actions and achievements are also different
rasta FENIX: .. so what then … is the value of a man?
Gian Smith: Bill Gates is a billionaire right?
Gian Smith: but how many people do you think he will reach in his life?
Gian Smith: everybody in a sense
rasta FENIX: fair enough.. but is an achievement.. and a failure not one in the same depending on which end of the stick you measure from .
Gian Smith: that’s the thing
rasta FENIX: ok.
Gian Smith: you can look at it either way
Gian Smith: I’m sure Puffy would rather make 500 million dollars than to move 1000 people with his words
Gian Smith: I would rather move 1000 people than to make 500 million dollars
Gian Smith: the both of us will emotionally move more people than Bill Gates, Puffy, Master P combined
Gian Smith: in our life
Gian Smith: our value is in our Hearts
rasta FENIX: ok
Gian Smith: and our Art
rasta FENIX: you know how i know u’re GAY
rasta FENIX: lol
Gian Smith: lol
Gian Smith: I’m being real
Gian Smith: I don’t believe anyone in the world can mathematically have as many close friends as I do
Gian Smith: and for all Bill Gates is worth no one would want to be around him if he werent rich
Gian Smith: wheras you are broke as me and people gravitate to you
Gian Smith: achievement i what average niggas do when they trying to be spectacular
rasta FENIX: ok
rasta FENIX: .. well put
rasta FENIX: so what then.. Do spectacular niggas do?
Gian Smith: pass it on brotha
rasta FENIX: lol
Gian Smith: and that’s real
rasta FENIX: hmmm..
rasta FENIX: i have just come up with the HOT NEW SHIT
rasta FENIX: like ta hear it.. hear it go
rasta FENIX: people blog.. about THIs and THAT.. and all kindsa shit. most people might now wanna read. (but PEOPLE READ BLOGS .. errryyday
rasta FENIX: .. y not.. encourge moving dialog like that whih we share regularly
rasta FENIX: by.. posting IM convos
Gian Smith: I agree
Gian Smith: I’ll post if you post
rasta FENIX: cool.
Gian Smith: but before you finish
Gian Smith: you can copy after this
rasta FENIX: damit
rasta FENIX: i .. closed my window during this exchange
Gian Smith: lol
Gian Smith: I’l send it to you
Gian Smith: anyway
rasta FENIX: listening
Gian Smith: people get the internet because they NEED it
Gian Smith: but why do motherfuckers buy Tokyos?
rasta FENIX: so they can bless up
Gian Smith: Because Ayo and Gian toldem to
rasta FENIX: .. nah.. CUZ we drink tokyos’
Gian Smith: Goddamn right
rasta FENIX: YUP YUP
rasta FENIX: lol

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One response to “Late night with A&G

  1. Hey:)Thanks for the comments on my blog!As I’ve never had any comments before on this blog, I’m still trying to post these comments:)How did you find my blog? lolAs for publishing the rest of my dissertation, I’ve resisted as I’m wary about publishing it all, due to plagiarism:)Peace!

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