My Mind is playing tricks on me

I’m Solid about 90% of the time. And then there are occasions where life will conspire against me. In about an hour when football comes on, and then later on today when I’m sitting around writing I’ll be neutral again and I won’t want a girlfriend. But then a song will come on. Perhaps “Wake the Baby” by Dwele or “Think Twice” by Donald Byrd, and I’ll want to share it with someone. Then the song will go off and 5 minutes later I won’t care anymore. But those 5 minutes suck. I hate the inner conflict that comes with wanting something you know isn’t good for you. Well, music does that. But Dreams are the worst. Those 5 minutes end up lasting for hours. This morning I dreamt I was in my old house on East View in the living room. And this very pretty, thin, fair skinned girl laid down to go to sleep on my sofa. She was wearing just underwear, but not for enticement, that’s just what she wore to sleep. The blur of the TV was the only light in the room. And I put my hand under the covers on her backside. Her skin was smooth and smelled like cocoa butter. She fell asleep right there in front of me, and in my dream I was happy she was there. Whoever this woman was deserved my adoration. When I woke up I missed her and wished I were still sleeping. Maybe if I had stayed longer she would tell me where she was in the real world. And maybe it’s better that I don’t know. I considered briefly, without conclusion, that this might be the manifestation of my subconscious knowing that an ex-girlfriend of mine is probably in town. But I also thought that might be a cop out because I always blame it on my memories and feelings towards her every time I feel like I want a girl, or think I miss someone who doesn’t exist. Not sure if I want to make myself available to the streets of Bayou Classic this year round or not because if that chance encounter does happen it might inspire more dreams I’ll have to, but won’t want to wake from. If you’re reading this please instruct the people with authority to leave me on the machine if I fall into a long term coma. I like living in my head sometimes. It’s the only safe place to be in love.


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