No is not an answer

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Why guys try when all hope is lost…

Allow me to give all you ladies a guide into the psyche of a man.

Guy: Hey, how’s it going?
You: (uninterested) fine

at this point we can see we’re in for an uphill struggle.

Guy: So I just saw you over here and thought I’d say Hey.
You: Oh, ok
Guy: do you have a boyfriend?
You: yes

we can gauge from your tone that the answer is untrue. You may actually have a boyfriend, or not. But we were getting no as an answer regardless. It’s obvious you’d like us to give up at this point. So then…

Guy: Can you have friends?
You: No, he wouldn’t like that.
Guy: Well how about you take my number just in case?
You: Fine, whatever loser (the loser part is unspoken, but understood)

The last part is a parachute for us to bail out of the situation. But then it can very easily go that we’ll keep fighting.

So what’s the problem is what you women are wondering. Well there are several things at play here.

1. The male ego-A man doesn’t like being told no. Sure women don’t like being rejected either, but more frequently than not women will internalize rejection and it will affect “esteem of her ……. self” Men reject, rejection. It’s a defense mechanism. We don’t like things like this getting under our skin and giving us that moment of pause, or making us doubt ourselves when we approach the next women. So we fight tooth and nail to fend it off at all costs. Let’s go back.

Guy: How’s it going?
You: (uninterested) fine

We can tell by your lack of recpetiveness, that you don’t bother looking us in the eye, your whole body language, your poked out, turned up lips, and your short, non-reciprocating answer that you don’t want to holla. Now if we at this point were to just simply step away. Since we approached you first, you are still holding the upperhand, and we just have to take that one as an L. But, subconsciously, we are thinking if we can just keep the volley going long enough, we can work our way into a stalemate, which of course still means nothing as far as production. But at least we can walk away with our heads held high. Subsequently, this is why on ocassion a man will substitute “Can you have friends” for “Fuck you Bitch” but that’s usually if you’ve given of an aire of superiority and we feel justified in your stuck upness to pull the B card. Or….

There is the possibility that our persistance will bear fruit.

Everyman in the world who has tried to engage a large number of women has accidentally come upon a winner from something he thought was a lost effort. These are a rare circumstance, and generally it’s a pretty bad idea in general to build your offense around this. It would be kind of like going to a football game and saying we’re just going to throw Hail Mary’s all game because one of them will eventually land. But assuming we pick up on the fact that you don’t want to holla, then it pretty much becomes a desparation effort anyway, so why not just go for it since when we walk away you won’t remember us anyway? What if along the way we happen to stumble into something that works. We all remember the scene from Boomerang where Eddie Murphy first meets Robin Givens. And she’s like “You’re Marcus Graham?” and he’s like “See you’re a fan of my work. Down there you were treating me like my name was Stanley.” We don’t know what your string is when we first meet yall. But it just might be something we’re good at and if we hang around long enough we might tug at the right one and flip it. The only thing we have to lose by hanging around too long is dignity. And in a dignity vs. Pride matchup, Most men will choose pride without haste.

Then there are those women who actually like to make a man work. Whether it’s because they misunderstood the whole concept of playing hard to get, or because they like to believe they are being sought after or what. But there are quite a few women out there who give a man a hard time just to see how bad he wants it. Some may not give him a hard time necessairily. Some may just be super-dis-interested just as a puzzle he’s got to work his way out of to earn the number. Like that chick in the Notebook (which is about the most average movie I’ve ever seen inspite of everyone’s praises)

For me personally I’ve had quite a few women who would go so far as to give me all kinds of attention from a distance, I’m talking smile’s, lip licking, winks, The whole nine yards, to induce me to coming talk to them and then putting up the whole resistance thing once I got there. I’m not too good at making things work if I gotta wor for them. More often than not these days I don’t even bother saying hi to the women in the first place. 1/3 of the time they aren’t interested, 1/3 of the time they’re involved but don’t tell you until you’re 15 minutes into your sales pitch, and the other 1/3 they are open but thoroughly uninteresting. If I feel like I’m about to head into a battle that’s probably a losing cause I don’t even put myself in that water. But since I haven’t tried to holla at anyone reading this blog I guess yall don’t care what goes on with me.

That being said, Next time you tell a guy no just realize that you’re still 3 or 4 no’s away form him being comfortable with your response. Or just beat him to the punch and say you can’t talk now cause you’ve got an agenda but you’ll take his number. Then everyone can walk away a winner.


2 responses to “No is not an answer

  1. That was hilarious. I usually try to be nice because it’s not easy to walk up to a stranger and start talking but if they don’t get the message from the disinterested “fine” I do resort to saying NO about 4 times.The “I’ll take your number” thing doesn’t work either cause then the guy will launch into the “Are you gonna call me” stuff.

  2. I’ll admit I never thought about that – that the guy feels he has to go away with something to at least break even. I always figured that as long as I was being nice to him when I said no that that was enough. If I’m ever on the dating scene again (God forbid) I will definitely remember your words.But if you get a number without any resistance would you still be interested or would you figure it was too easy, therefore the girl was probably easy? Where is the line drawn between a girl appearing easy and a girl playing too hard to get?

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