I guess most of us “love haters” can come across as being pretty bitter. But I want to make it known right now for the record that there is no bitterness in me at this moment. I have come to realize something the very important fact that love is not for everyone. Maybe I’d just been socialized to think otherwise or been around people that thought it was for too long. I wish I had learned this fact long ago. But just like any blessing I’m glad it’s here now. It’s been 6 years since I broke up with an ex in what was probably my most significant relationship to date as far as the way it has shaped me. Over the past six years I’ve had several significant relationships none of which ended with marriage or family, but almost all of which have ended up in fairly good terms. The other and most important thing that they had in common was that each of them left me feeling empty and emotionally needy. And so with each ended relationship once I was able to get past the point of emotional attachment with that particular person I would fall into a practice of looking for someone to fill the void. But usually not the void left behind by them but left behind by the ex of six years ago. And this is in no way a discredit to the women I have dated since her but no one has been able to match the way she made me feel. This was by no fault of their own, because the fact is that after her I was no longer the same person and probably not able to see or think of anyone with as high of regard as I thought of the “EX6” Of course no one could match the lofty bar she set so that often left me feeling discouraged and unsatisfied. Perhaps, maybe even a bit bitter sometimes that I had missed my chance with perfection. Then two things happened. I was dating Monique, the only which of those I “seriously” dated in the time since that I am no longer on good terms with. Me and Mo had very good rapport and I still feel like she probably understood me better than anyone else I dated in that time. We would often have very in-depth conversations about me because I had never met someone so genuinely intrigued by me. And I was all to eager to participate instead of the usual situation where I asked all the questions. I would explain to her how disenfranchised I had become by love. I would talk to her about “EX6” and tell her that no girl could hold a candle to her and how it was even pointless trying to match that. I would tell her about how dishonest the women since had been with me. About how I didn’t feel like I could truly trust a woman. I talked to her about how I was just much better off alone. And I don’t believe my tone ever took on brokenheartedness or bitterness just matter of fact. But she continued to counter-argue to me that I should allow love in. She would say that the real problem was that I just refused to open myself up to love and that’s why love wouldn’t work for me. Now having had been with these women who were dishonest or no good for me I didn’t feel that could be the case. Certainly me investing deeper into these relationships where I felt I was betrayed by women’s lies and bad intentions would not have been a good thing. So her arguments usually fell on deaf ears. And then I took time out to consider my friend Leonard and his relationship with his wife. Leonard is a man I have always admired and emulated. And his relationship with his wife is a thing to be emulated for those wishing to get to that level. So I decided maybe there was some truth in Mo’s words. Maybe I did need to invest more. Maybe if I did more sharing and less doubting that positive energy would make for a good relationship. And so that’s what I did. I made it my business to be as devoted to my relationship as I could and invest as much as I had the next time I fell in love. Now needless to say, because of previous blogs, that labor did not bear fruit. But now having moved away from that relationship I have realized that Mo was still right. Because it took me fully investing to see that it was not in fact love that was the culprit, but me. Love is not deceptive. It is what it is and it tells you no different. When you take on love with the short-sightedness of thinking this time will be different and you yourself are no different then you will have the same results. So then this emptiness I’ve had has now been satisfied with the realization that I am right to be happier by myself. I am a more productive, healthier individual but not because Love is bad, just because I don’t need it. I was fooled by my healthy self image into thinking that loving myself was all about confidence. But it’s much deeper than that. It’s also about knowing who you are and what’s best for you. And for me it’s not being in love. And I’m not sad or bitter about that. I haven’t felt this happy in a long time now knowing that. I don’t want to be back with “EX6” I don’t want to share emotional dependence with someone. I want to see what’s out there for Gian, and I can only do it alone. My unfair expectations of love limited me in being able to truly appreciate my relationships with my significant others. It was not that they were deceptive to me. They were just in love the same as me and there are things that love does regardless of race gender or religion. It’s not that these women paled in comparison to “EX6” it’s just that they weren’t her. And it was unfair of me to hold them accountable for that because I was in love. Oddly enough I’ve arrived at relatively the same conclusion but for a different reason and that alone makes the difference between the thirst for knowledge and understanding.