The essence of CHALK

The rules of Chalk

1. Everybody gets chalked
2. Ain’t nobody special
3. It’s never different

I seem to have forgotten some, and ammended others over the years but the basics are the same. Chalk is a very important principle that I have embraced and come to live by. It’s what allows me to continue to live my life in a manner where I don’t let things affect me in order to maintain my sanity. As Matt Damon said in Rounders “You can’t lose what you don’t put in the pot.” Basically for me life has been about letting things go and letting go of things before they get too difficult. And I can’t say that living by this principle has made me particularly unhappy. This principle has been most frequently applied to women. Women have probably been the largest source of anxiety for me and therefore required the most severe and swiftest of chalk. The last three girlfriends I had all were unsatisfactory and therefore necessitated chalk. The first two decieved me and the third one was two difficult a situation to manage, so early on in all three relationships I began a process of emotional divorce even though I hadnt still terminated the relationship. Then when I had generated the necessary ammount of indifference I moved on. Now understand I most certainly do not regret any of these decisions. These girls definitely weren’t for me to be with romantically. But each time I knew that I had certainly not commited myself to the situation. I think something I have definitely made a bad practice of is holding women to the same standard of openness I have for myself. I try to be open about almost everything about me. And I try to make a practice of being forthcoming and honest. So I have definitely unfairly held women to these same standards at points when they were not ready to make that same kind of declaration of honesty to me. I’ve analyzed situations with the criticism of a man determined to find the truth. Well of course I always found the truth. And then subsequently I moved directly into chalk mode. I challenged these women as being childish and immature for not being honest with me. Well now being an adult I realize that it’s just as childish of me not to accept the truth about life as I seek the truth about these women. The truth is that no one has this level of openness that I have. And being mature I have to accept that. I have to stop giving up on love when it gets difficult. After Damon uttered those words “you can’t lose what you don’t put in the pot.” He said “But, you can’t win much either.” All that being said…I think I’ll keep her. From the first time I met she was a breath of fresh air for me. I met her at a point when I was my most down on women right after I broke up with the NHEG. And Even then I thought she was dynamic. And I do now. I’ve never been this serious about someone and that’s worth something. That’s worth not giving up on. I can’t say this was all my decision. I was ready to give up and she reached out to me. The most honest she’s ever been with me and perhaps the first time she ever felt the need with any man to come right out and say something that she would have otherwise lied about with no remorse. So even if her trust is in question, Her effort is no longer. And if you’re asking someone to change something so intergal to them than you can’t ask anything more than maximmum effort. And I trust that she is giving me that. I trust that she is growing and becoming an adult and that she understands the severity of her actions. I trust that she has learned from the situation and genuinely wants to be honest with me. And if I am ever going to trust a woman again it’s going to be her. So I’m not going anywhere for now. I couldn’t stop seeing her if I wanted to. She’s so fine and so beautiful, so gifted etc. etc. etc. So I’m going to make the best of it. And I’m going to give her the same effort I demand from her that she’s giving to me. I’m all in.


26 responses to “The essence of CHALK

  1. well, good luck man. u know the situation more than we do and u know how much ur willing to work with more than we do too. if u think she’s worth it then do ur thing. but i’ll tell u this, i’ve been in the same predicament before and it wore me down beyond the point of sanity. eventually i had to give up on the girl just for peace of mind. but maybe ur situation will be different… and maybe she’ll catch on better than some of the women i’ve delt with in the past.

  2. I was wondering if we were going to have to send out a search party for you, Gian. Glad you’re back in the fold. Take you time and weigh the positives and negatives of the situation. If the both of you still want it, you have to work for it.

  3. You know when you look to God and His direction, He will teach you how to love somebody who is hard to love. He loves us no matter all the crazy thangs we do, and He is up to forgive us for the dumb stuff that we do. We need His strength to endure relationships that seem unbearable. Keep trusting in Him and He will direct your path as you put Him first each and every day. God bless.

  4. Yo poker playin’ ass!! Anyways…I’m glad you’ve found something that is worth holding on to. Like I said before, only you know what is best for your situation. Keep us updated.

  5. I’m glad you are working things out. It’s good to know that she decided to be COMPLETELY honest with you. This is a big step. Best wishes and happy (belated? early?) birthday.

  6. Wow! Good luck! It sounds like you’ve got something promising in the works! Is that why you asked us (songbirds) about marriage? It’s great to see that you’re forgiving. It’s so easy for some to demand forgiveness and understanding from other people when they show that they are human (flawed), but refuse to forgive others.Love is beautiful!!Blessings!Lambchop~

  7. “I try to be open about almost everything about me. And I try to make a practice of being forthcoming and honest. So I have definitely unfairly held women to these same standards at points when they were not ready to make that same kind of declaration of honesty to me.”- We’re kindred spirits my man. The best to you both…

  8. I decided to go ahead and add my two cents in even though its a bit late. I have to admit I was hoping you would come to the decision you did. She seemed to make you happy and do for you most of what a woman can theoretically do for her man. I suppose that’s it. I just wish both of you well. Relationships are hard and come along with complications and pain, but when its right I think it all becomes worth it to spend your time with someone you love and truly loves you.

  9. Yippeee, Yaaaaay. I’m pleased about this. I hope you treat each other well.I think realizing that your partner is “in it” has a profound effect on how the woman will love, honor and respect you.If she doesn’t then run.

  10. I would think that I’d be the first to congratulate, but I aint…cause I’m one of the victoms of this chicks insecurity about whatever it is ya’ll can’t get over. See cause in essence, for ya’ll to get along at this junction, you have to ‘CHAULK’ me and all of your other female friends, for no other reason than she doesn’t trust you with us…what a double-fucking-standard…I’ve been chaulked…and yeah, i’m pissed…and I haven’t even met this girl. She’s not made ONE ATTEMPT to get to meet and know your female friends, perhaps b/c she’s so insecure, that she thinks she has to ‘compete’ with them for your attention. I think some of the insecurity is evident when someone feels so confotable and encourages you to openly ‘admire’ her every detail sexually, as you have in past posts. That’s okay, friends will always be there, even after she and you have moved on and figured it all out. Good luck dude…Hope you are feeling ‘complete’ with her absorbing so much of you existence these days. Hope to see you during football season, or something…

  11. dang, i really don’t like directly responding to others’ comments on someone else’s blog, but WOW. someone sounds a little annoyed. ah well, ya can’t please everyone all the time. well, maybe i wouldn’t have a problem with him being friends with certain females if i knew that those females in question weren’t SCANDALOUS! anyhoo, i never said that he should chalk ALL of his female friends, just the ones i don’t trust. maybe if you hadn’t given me a reason to not trust YOU around him, i’d have no problem with your “friendship.” G maintains friendships with plenty of other females that i don’t have a problem with.and for the record, i’ve never “encouraged” G to “admire” anything about me sexually on this blog. he chose to do that himself. jealous? don’t be. i’m sure when i move away, he’ll be spending much more time with his female “friends” than he has been lately. just be patient. i know you guys have been friends for such a LOOOOOOONG time that you just can’t live without him! oh wait, no you haven’t. well, whatever. i think i’ve said enough.

  12. Black love is such a beautiful thing! Noticed your blog on my homie’s page and I racked my brain trying to figure out why you looked familiar. Going through my high school yearbook, BAM, there you were. Good to see another fellow Mustang holding it down.

  13. Yo I think koko should come clean on the info/dirt that she has on j-mo (b/c its obvious the scandolus one she was talking about was j-mo), and then gian could sell tickets to these girls fighting, I’d pay for it on pay per view.This could be the second coming of Lil Kim vs Foxy Brown. I taking 5 to 1 odds on Koko, I mean w/a name like that you know she’s got some hood in her, j-mo seems to prissy. Any takers

  14. In the immortal words of one Brook Valentine “its bout to be a GIRL FIGHT”.Or better yet UNLV “boot up or shut up or get your fucking life lit up, yeah yeah you hoiyed me”. Magnolia State Master

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s