These females out here.

I’m not too pleased with my girlfriend as of right now but opting not to vent about her I’ll instead vicariously vent about how raggedy these females can be. I’ve had some issues with women myself a time or two but I can honestly say that my friends have had it worse than me. Since I am friends with parties on both sides of these equations I will keep their names out my mouth. But two instances of raggediness stand out to me.

A friend of mine is in a long distance relationship with his girlfriend. For whatever reason she gets a bad feeling one evening and puts him under questioning. She expresses that she doesn’t feel comfortable. So in an effort to make her feel comfortable he closes down his blackplanet account. In an effort to decieve her he starts another one with the same text under a different name. This young lady is craftier than he had planned so when she finds out that he has started another BP page through some clever detective work he is both taken aback and left speechless. All he can do is apologize for trying to decieve her but she refuses his pleas. She sends him an email suggesting that she can’t ever trust him again and how this is the worst thing anyone has ever done to her. Then she promptly refuses his phone calls for the next week. So you’re wondering how this makes her raggedy? Hang on a sec. I’m getting there. So this sends my friend into a state of panic. He’s going to everyone he knows for advice. When he comes to me I tell him that he should probably just wait her out. She’ll come back around. He tells me that he’s not so sure about that. He asks if it would be a good idea for him to fly where she is and try to make ammends. I tell him very simply that I’m quite sure that would work. I still don’t feel it the best option but if he wants results that’s how to get them. SO he spends 600 dollars on a plane ticket to go make up for his wrongdoing. Keep in mind that he lied about starting a BP account. Well upon his arrival she basically says to him that she was expecting him. So she boycotted his phone calls to get him to spend 600 dollars on a plane ticket to prove his love. Not raggedy enough for you? Me neither. I was actually quite impressed. So anyway among the new conditions they set for their relationship he basically forgoes everything resembling privacy he ever had. He cancels his phone plan to get a family plan with her so that she can have access to her call log. He gives her all his passwords to his email/ Instant messenger accounts. He gives her copies of his credit card bills so she can evaluate his transactions. He turns himself into a great big puss at the push of a button to satisfy her insecurity. And she responds with more lip. More questions of his honesty. More investigation into his things. More distress over the nature of their relationship. Just a whole lot of hassle and lip. This is about the part where I start thinking maybe that’s a little raggedy but not too bad. So anyway, one afternoon she calls my friend and they are about to get off the phone when she says they need to discuss some things later. After a few guesses he asks if she slept with someone else? DO you know that raggedy Motherfucker says that she slept with another guy not once but twice in the past week? How raggedy is that? I mean let’s set aside that it’s raggedy to cheat on your significant other. But how can you even bring yourself to do it again after the first occassion and then after all you put him through about a blackplanet account. I swear fo’ Lawd these females out here.

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18 responses to “These females out here.

  1. That is raggedy… I would never let someone have that much control over me! That shit is wack. But you know that some men do the same shit!!! Moral of the story there are some shady ass people out there, men and women! 🙂

  2. I have to agree with coley, both males and females are capable of doing some down bad shit, men are just as deceitful as women are conniving…but both situations were pretty fucked up tho, no lie in that.

  3. I have to say that I understand your point of view, based on the information that you possess. However, you are not privy to the entire story. First, she didn’t just “get a feeling” and make him shut down his BP page… She discovered that he’d changed the nature of his page to represent the new city that he moved to, without changing it to represent that he was no longer single. Meanwhile, he’d saved as friends on his page big-breasted females that live in the city in which he currently resides, leading his girlfriend to believe that he was communicating with these females and had plans on meeting with them, which he vehemently denied, and which was later proven to be exactly the case. So she didn’t have to guess at what his motives were when she found out he’d made another page. But against her better judgment, she accepted his lame excuse, rather than what she knew to be the truth and which he obviously admitted to his friends, that the new page really was an attempt to deceive her. Anyway, she swallowed that. However, everything that your friend was put through was not based on the discovery of a BP page. The demanding and controlling behavior began after he committed more transgressions that seriously obliterated the trust that was already in tatters. I don’t know if your friend informed you of that, but I will leave it to him if you are curious. True, she should have ended the relationship at that point instead of resorting to such behavior, but that’s beside the point. The point is, yes her recent behavior is raggedy and inexcusable, but it seems that it is viewed as much more egregious by his friends in light of everything that she put him through. However, if you were privy to all the facts, you would understand that what she put him through was not a result of her feelings of guilt about what she did, because actually when she committed her own transgression, she eased up on him, out of guilt. What he went through was a direct result of his own behavior, and it was more than warranted. Nobody is slinging mud here, because obviously what she did is 1000 times worse than anything that he did. But lets keep things in perspective and remember that this wasn’t just about a lil ole innocent BP account, and understand that you are getting an edited version of the facts.

  4. Maybe it was a little shady to date a guy in your group of friends, but I would like to note that 1. you said nothing about your so called friend who would date his boy’s girl (as if that isn’t shady too) and 2 at least he knew who she was hanging out with as opposed to some stranger she could have been messing around with, leaving him all in the dark and lonely. That said she’s not in the position to demand their break be over, it starts when they agree and one person needs it and ends when they both agree its over. She’s just sure out of luck until your friend makes his decision.No real comment on situation #2, it seems more straight forward. But I do think the she cheated part should have been the primary focus of the raggediness and her distrust only secondary, a means to take the incident beyond the normal shady cheating level. Especially since there are apparently two sides to every story….

  5. So this may not be an exact response to this particular blog, but in response to all the boy/girl drama that I’ve been having to hear about and deal with in the past 2 weeks. So this may be me ranting on a bit, but I promise this all has a point.All this drama between girls and boys, I feel can all be fixed with replacing all the bullshit we tell each other and replacing it w/ simple honesty. I mean, the worse thing you can do to someone is steal. And by covering up the truth, even if it’s “just a little “bit”, it’s still stealing the the right of knowing the truth. People should be honest with each other. Especially at our age, we’re just too old to be playing these stupid games with each other. I mean, at the end of the day, when you look back at what you’ve accomplished or what you’ve done for the day, do you really want to sit back and think, “oh, well I covered up the truth to save my ass” or would you like to think, “well i let the other person know what honetstly is going on…and even though it might hurt me and the other person, at least I was honest and from here we can choose what we want to do with the situtation”. Man, life is too short to be playing games. And although we all play games in order to cover our feelings….what is so wrong with being hurt? I guess people may think it’s a sign of weakness, but why the fuck do we care what other peoople think? And anyways, from that low point, you can only go up from there, right?Maybe I’m being a little too optomistic..and indeed I have played these games too, but I think from now on, I’m really realizing that we all go through this bullshit b/c we’re not honest with one another and we’re not honest with ourselves. We could avoid all this drama and aftermath of a relationship if we were all just honest from the beginning.Take for instance your friend and the girl that he spent $600 for. He was not honest with her about the webpage, and she didn’t let him know that she had slept with 2 other guys. They were both covering up the truth from each other for whatever reasons they felt they needed to. Now, I don’t know their motives for doing so…maybe b/c they were both afraid of taking a chance with each other, maybe they weren’t ready for a serious relationship, but really was all that shit that has happened and is happeing now, was it all worth it? She can no longer can trust him, and he can no longer trust him. And at the end of all of this, she has made his day a little worse and he has made her day a little worse. Is this what we want to do to each other? Was all that worth it? Now, I don’t know about them or everyone, but I really don’t think that’s what I realize at the end of my day. If he was just honest with her, say about the blackplanet page in this instance, she could have made a choice. She could have: a.) decided to stay w/ him reguardless of whether or not he had the page up, or b.) decided she wasn’t going to put up w/ that, and chucked him. Now, I don’t know his motives for not letting her know about it, but now he has to ask himself the question, “what is really all worth it?”I just don’t know, and I guess I’m ranting, but all that fucking time we all put into covering the truth to save our ass, to save our feelings, and to save ourselves from feeling pain, is it all really worth it? B/c in the end, I really believe that it all comes back to you (in some form or another), and liers will not get away with it…b/c the truth ALWAYS has a way of making itself known. So shouldn’t we just despair ourselves of that pain by letting the truth be known from the beginning? And maybe that’s why I’m not with anyone at this moment (to save my ass from being hurt), but at least I’m being honest with myself and at the end of the day, that’s the truth.P.S. I’m also like you, Gian, in that I don’t edit any of my shit, so if I’ve misspelled or of my response make no sense at all, please forgive me.

  6. @those in reference past and futureIf you’ve read my blog before than you know I haven’t ever protected men. Nor have I ever for a second suggested women are more deceitful or disloyal than men. So please spare me the men do it to rebuttal. I’m quite aware of that but this post is about women being raggedy. @Anit same thing. This post was not about how shady people are. It was specifically about women. It was definitely shady of him but the firend is not as responsible for his feelings as the girlfriend is. As for him knowing who it is I can’t see how that could possibly make the situation better for him. I mean do you actually feel that if you and your boyfriend decided to date other people for a while that you would prefer it to be a friend of yours? You would feel more secure knowing that your boyfriend wasn’t answering his phone because he was sucking tounges with your friend? Highly doubtful. From her perspective I see why she chose him. He was more convenient than meeting some new person and they already had a kinship. But that’s still selfish hence the reason she was raggedy.@Kenesha correct there are definitely two sides to every story. But the fact still remains that whatever reason she put him through what he went through it was not because he slept with anyone. And for him to go through that only to find out that he had himself been decieved and violated not once but twice (you as a lawyer understanding how pre-meditated acts work can understand why that makes it so much worse) in this manner could hardly be considered warranted. But I digress because like you say you can’t build a case without all the facts.

  7. Hold up, ole boy in the second scenario did all of this and gave this girl access to passwords and whatnot and they’re not even engaged, just dating? Not saying that he got what he deserved, but he put himself out there. He let her dictate how the relationship was to be. It’s like he had no say so in any of it. She was running the show.

  8. Yeah, aight. That second chick clearly has issues and too many insecurities and he should not have allowed it to go that far. I mean, he changed his phone plan, etc. for her? Gave her his passwords and credit card statements???? And like Nikki said, they’re JUST DATING! Not engaged or nuffin like dat? Uh, uh dude. I woudn’t even be going for it.She needs to get herself together before she tries to be with anyone. They do say that the person who acts the most suspicious and paranoid is usually the one who’s actually doing the dirt.

  9. @ Nikki and Chevonne I can’t say that I necessairily disagree with his actions. On some level I thought it was a bit extreme. And when I say it without thinking about it it does sound crazy. But although he did it in a panic I guess it was really a declaration that they were more than just dating. I suppose it was his way of saying he wanted to be completely open with her because he intended on spending his life with her. When he asked me what he should do about it, my initial thought was to wait it out. I’ve seen really emotionally strong people cave on issues that were much more vile than this. But when he asked me if he should go to these great lengths I said that if he was ready to take those steps than it would definitely get him the effect he was looking for. I’m under the impression that he offered all of this to her. If she had made the demand “I can’t trust you unless I get the following things…” and then he submitted than that would be different. But He really just wanted to open up to her completely so I can’t fault the intent too much.

  10. Okay, I guess I can sympathize with him wanting to open up himself to her, but I wonder how much of herself (besides her legs) did she open up to him? I know I’m on the outside looking in, but it seems that he pretty much walked into a trap.

  11. i tried to comment yesterday, but that crap didnt go through…ugh!@blogger.com! it’s beginning to get on my nerves like BP….like i typed yesterday…the first girl, she’s wrong for to expect himt o just come back to her, thats not how things work…..and the friend that she was messing with is wrong too! like someone already said….as for the 2nd relationship….where is the trust?!?! she’s wrong for cheating on him just because she thought he might have, i dont understand why folks cheat….if she didnt trust him, she shouldve broke it off….she shouldve have assumed he was trying to mess with anyone from BP (though i know i probably wouldve been mad over something petty like that too with the females on his friends list), but then again that means nothing, but i dont know much about relationships, so i dont know…

  12. First of all, I really enjoy your blog! You and your girl are adorable together..hope things are back to sweetness!It’s interesting to hear he said/she said views of things. It is human nature to cover your ass, (in this case heart) whenever you feel that it is about to be stomped on, whether that threat is actual or not. Not saying it’s right, or wrong, but it is like a natural reaction…kinda like knee-jerk. When it comes to matters of the heart, we all use some fucked up rationalizations and behavior to justify our dirt. The bottom line should be how much work are you willing to put in a relationship to get past the shitty stuff that can go down. It should NOT take handing over all tangible forms of privacy to gain trust from someone. Nobody wants to be policed, that would not be fair to either person. There was janky behavior in both situations, and the females certainly played their role. I just hope everybody learned from it.

  13. hate to tell ya but you broke the cardinal ruleyou put info abut ya relationship on the net which is a JINXi learned long time ago and i now live by this creedmake no mention of a relationship anywhere on the net because u are bound to have problemsits along the lines of tattooing someone’s name on ya body; you WILL break up, it is just a matter of when

  14. @ danja: gee, thanks. lol. nah, i’ve heard that too but it’s obvious that i don’t buy into it. if it’s meant for us to be together, we will. if it’s not meant to be, then we won’t…regardless of whether it’s posted on the net. only the parties involved can dictate what they will and won’t allow to affect their relationship, and gian and i, although sharing a portion of it with you guys, are in our own little world. 🙂

  15. That’s what happens when you let the other party in the relationship have all that control. Once they feel that they can control you, by making you give them all that access to your life, they think to themselves… ‘hummm, I don’t want anybody like that…I want someone that’s real, someone that’s going to stand up for themselves’Hate to say it, but that’s just how the ball bounces when you live in a power-driven society. Once that person can exert the power over another one, they feel that it is their duty to try to find someone else to do that to, or to find the challenge of someone who won’t put up with it.

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