So I thought I’d get the jump on the Monday morning blog rush for all you working people breaking from your boring, monotonous jobs. Let’s talk about BP. Ahh BP. If only I had been getting paid for the man hours I’ve spent on Black Planet between chatting, looking at pages, making my own pages, writing and responding to notes etc. I think my time with BP has run it’s course. But what a good run it was. I have met some of my favorite people in the world on BP. Me and Shontae grew to be friends through our BP correspondences (even though we lived around the corner from one another) It all started May, 2000, the same month I got shot. I was laid up in the house cause my mom practically fainted everytime I would stand up.
My friend Jeroddo, whom I love dearly put me on BP. The first thing was to think up a name. Me and my friends were fond of Half-baked at the time and would often quote the movie to each other including Clarence Williams III “Cuban B” line, which I settled on for a screen name.
And so there it was the name and photo that made me countrywide shive. I was hooked from the start. All these black people at my disposal. I don’t know how many of you are familiar with Tulane but it’s about 7% black and 90% of them are athletes who don’t congregate too frequently with non athletes. I having been sheltered from my people so long felt like Ceelie running out into that field when Nettie and her kids show up talking bout “Mama! Mama Boni! (indecipherable African dialect) Mama! I had some really good highlights with BP. Among them were some very influential people I met (I’ll spare you the list).
Being named Member of the week in Feb 2003. And some serious pre-blog blogging on some of my many pages. All said and done I’m sure I had somewhere totaling 20 BP pages. They were free and I had plenty to say so why not take advantage. But there was definitely something lacking for me with BP the whole time. There was no exchange. There was a whole lot of meeting people but sparsely was it that I would see a page for someone that would spark a conversation. Sparsely was it that someone would engage me with their words. And far too frequently pages would overlap, bore me, not differentiate themselves etc. I ever so often became dis-enfranchised with BP although I would always go back, hoping that it would reach it’s potential. Alas, having found the wonderful world of blogs I have realized my dreams and now revel in them. Well tonight I logged onto BP for the first time in 2005. I re-read my last entry on my now defunct “journal page” So I thought a fitting way to truly begin transcending to a reformed BPer into a blogger would be to share this last entry with my new blog family. I’m a pretty wishy-washy person as I’ve mentioned before so I’m not sure how much of this applies at the moment. I’m fairly optimistic as we speak. But it’s a pretty accurate representation of where I’ve been for the past couple of years, and the low tolerance I listed in my 100 things.
OCTOBER 26, 2004
THERE`S THIS GIRL I MET ON BP. SHE`S SO FINE. AND SHE`S SWEET AS SHE WANNA BE AS DRE WOULD SAY.
NOVEMBER 26, 2004
SO ANYWAY, IN REFERENCE TO THE GIRL I SPOKE OF, CHALK THAT UP. I`M NOT THE PERSON I USED TO BE WHEN I WAS 15 YEARS OLD. SOMETIMES THAT BOTHERS ME BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I LIKE THE PERSON I AM, I MISS THE WAY I WAS. THE PERSON I AM IS MUCH MORE PRACTICAL BUT IT DOESN`T LEAVE AS MUCH ROOM FOR OPTIMISM. WHEN I WAS YOUNGER BEFORE I KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT GIRLS, I ALWAYS BELIEVED THAT IF YOU WERE A GOOD PERSON AND YOU LIKED SOMEONE ENOUGH AND INVESTED ENOUGH EFFORT INTO THAT PERSON THEN THEY WERE BOUND TO LIKE YOU. I HAD A HARD TIME MAKING SENSE OUT OF SITUATIONS WHERE GIRLS WOULD GRAVITATE TOWARDS GUYS WHO WERE BAD FOR AND WHO PUT FORTH LITTLE EFFORT TO THEM.
AS I GOT OLDER OBSERVATIONS AND EXPERIENCED LEARNED ME WELL THAT MY INITIAL PERCEPTION, THOUGH STILL LOGICAL IN MY MIND, IS NOT THE WAY IT IS IN THE REAL WORLD. BUT OF COURSE LIKE MOST PEOPLE I COULDN`T JUST BE TOLD WHAT TO DO. I HAD TO LEARN THE HARD WAY. WHICH WAS SOMETIMES PAINFUL AND SOMETIMES DISCOURAGING. BUT IT WAS WORTH IT BECAUSE I LEARNED A LOT OF THINGS, A LOT MORE THAN I THOUGHT I COULD. AND NOW THE PERSON I HAVE BECOME IS PRETTY AWARE, PRETTY KEEN, AND VERY SELDOMLY AM I POORLY AFFECTED BY THE IMMINENT PAIN THAT COMES IN A RELATIONSHIP. HOWEVER IT`S BECOME INCREASINGLY LESS POSSIBLE FOR ME TO FULLY INVEST IN ANYONE WITH EACH PASSING RELATIONSHIP. AND AT THIS POINT I DON`T KNOW WHICH IS BETTER, MISSING OUT ON LOVE FOR THE PURPOSE OF LIMITING SADNESS. OR ACCEPTING SADNESS FOR THE GLORY OF BEING IN LOVE.
I`M CERTAINLY A MORE PRODUCTIVE INDIVIDUAL WHEN I`M NOT IN LOVE, AND FURTHERMORE WHEN I`M NOT SUFFERING THE BURDENS THAT COME WITH LOVE. BUT SOMETIMES I THINK FONDLY OF THE TIME IN MY LIFE WHEN I WAS ACTUALLY ABLE TO BE GENUINELY EXCITED ABOUT A WOMAN SO MUCH SO THAT I WOULD GIVE HER THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, OR THAT I WOULD TRY NOT TO LOOK FOR HER IMPERFECTIONS TO BRACE MYSELF FOR THE FACT THAT SHE IS NOT PERFECT. THAT BEING SAID, IN ORDER TO PARTICIPATE IN RELATIONSHIPS AS I HAVE COME TO DO, THAT BEING PRACTICALLY, AND EFFICIENTLY, THERE`S A CERTAIN ATTITUDE THAT GOES WITH IT AND A CERTAIN SET OF RULES NECESSARY TO ADHERE TO. AMONG THEM IS CHALK. MY MOST EMBRACED OF ALL ACTIVITIES. CHALK HAS A MYRIAD OF MEANINGS
chalk: (chôk) v, a move towards indifference. The act of making something obsolete.
THERE ARE MANY MORE MEANINGS AND DERIVATIVES OF CHALK AND I MAY GET TO THEM LATER BUT FOR OUR CURRENT PURPOSES THIS IS WHAT CHALK IS. SO AS THE RULES GO WHEN SOMEONE WRONGS YOU IDEALLY YOU CHALK THEM BACK. CHALK CAN ALSO BE USED AS A PRE STRIKE COUNTER-MEASURE. WHEN YOU FEEL ONCOMING WRONGDOING YOU CAN CHALK IN ADVANCE. CHALK IS NOT TO BE USED LIGHTLY. YOU MUST BE READY TO CHALK SOMETHING IN AN INSTANT, AND ALTHOUGH SOMETHING CAN BE UNCHALKED YOU MUST APPROACH THE THING THAT HAS BEEN CHALKED AS A PERMANENT CIRCUMSTANCE IF YOU WISH FOR GOOD RESULTS. WHEN I WAS MUCH YOUNGER BEFORE MY FRIENDS AND I CONCEIVED AND DEVELOPED THE IDEA OF CHALK I GAVE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT IN UNCERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES, SOMETIMES ALMOST TO A FAULT. NOW, I CHALK.
NOW I HAVE SEEN GREAT RESULTS DUE TO CHALK. GENERALLY SPEAKING PEOPLE RESPOND WELL TO INDIFFERENCE. SO THE MORE I CHALKED PEOPLE, MORE SPECIFICALLY WOMEN, THE BETTER RESULTS I SAW IN MY PURSUIT OF THEM. HOWEVER, IT HAS STYMIED MY EMOTIONAL PRODUCTIVITY, WHICH HAS ITS BENEFITS AS WELL AS ITS DETRIMENTS. IN THIS MOST RECENT SCENARIO, I WAS GROWING VERY FOND OF THE YOUNG LADY I SPOKE OF EARLIER. I`M SURE THAT UNDER THE RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCES AND IN THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND I COULD HAVE LOVED HER AND DEEPLY INVESTED MYSELF EMOTIONALLY. HOWEVER, A CIRCUMSTANCE THAT I FELT NEEDED IMMEDIATE ADDRESSING CAME ABOUT. A VERY SUBTLE, AND PROBABLY BENIGN, ATTEMPT TO DECEIVE OCCURRED. IN RELATIONSHIPS THERE ARE VERY FREQUENTLY DECEPTIONS AND LIES OF OMISSION. ON A UNIVERSAL SCALE THEY SHOULDN`T REGISTER TOO HIGH. HOWEVER I OPERATE ON A DIFFERENT SCALE. I DEMAND COMPLETE HONESTY AND FORTHCOMING IN A RELATIONSHIP, SOMETHING THAT MOST PEOPLE AREN`T CAPABLE OF OR WILLING TO GIVE. THE ALTERNATIVE IS TO BE CHALKED. IN THIS INSTANCE I FEEL AS IF THE WOMAN IN QUESTION TRIED TO DECEIVE ME. PROBABLY ON A MATTER THAT ITSELF WOULD HAVE HAD LITTLE BEARING ON OUR RELATIONSHIP. BUT TO ALLOW HER TO DECEIVE ME EVEN IF IT WAS SOMETHING MINISCULE SETS A BAD PRECEDENT. IT REINFORCES FOR HER THAT THAT KIND OF THING IS ACCEPTABLE.
BUT BESIDES THAT I`M HARD TO FOOL, AND NOTHING EATS ME UP MORE THAN SOMEONE WHO THINKS THEY CAN GET OVER ON ME. I DON`T MEAN TO COME ACROSS BITTER, AS I FEEL I MIGHT BE DOING. I`M AS HAPPY AND AS WELL ADJUSTED AS CAN BE EXPECTED, AND I`M PRETTY POSITIVE. BUT I GUESS I HAVE A CHIP ON MY SHOULDER AND I DON`T LIKE SOMEONE THINKING THEY CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME AND I DON`T RESPOND WELL TO THAT. SO AFTER SHE TRIED TO DECEIVE ME I WROTE HER A NOTE AND OFFERED HER THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE HONEST AND FORTHCOMING WITH ME, TELLING HER I KNEW SHE HAD ATTEMPTED TO DECEIVE ME WITHOUT TELLING HER WHAT I KNEW. AND LIKE MOST PEOPLE WHO`VE BEEN ACCUSED WITHOUT BEING PROVIDED EVIDENCE OF HER GUILT, SHE PLAYED DUMB. SO THE ONLY OPTION I HAD WAS AN IMMEDIATE AND SEVERE CHALK. WHAT WOULD BE BETTER, OPTION A, OR IF I COULD DUMB MYSELF DOWN AND ALLOW MY IGNORANCE TO BE MY BLISS. I MAY HAVE FALLEN DEEPLY. AND THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN SOME VERY NICE ADVANTAGES TO THAT. BUT THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN SOME SADNESS TOO. AT THIS POINT I`M OF THE BELIEF THAT I`M BETTER OFF WITHOUT THE SADNESS I JUST MISS THE OPTIMISM.