A theme for Sunday

“And so it was then on that second Sunday in December in the 2004th year of our Lord Jesus that a theme was born for that day. And forever shall that day carry the blog theme. So be it sayeth Gian.”

So it seems as if I’ve just in this moment spawned in my mind the STRIGL. Not the TRIGLS because that’s too close to the plural of the randomness in my life. And because this project will be thematic for this day it is assigned to it will act as blog entry as well as TRIGL. I had for some time wanted to make a Blackplanet page in dedication to my loved ones. However this was impractical for several reasons. For one, BLackplanet only provides you enough text to get across the important messages in life like what you want in a man, and not to hate or steal pictures which is probably the opposite of hating. I have far too much to say about the people I care about to fit it inside their meager textual constraints. Two, no one would ever go to the page cause I would probably never log on to it. No one except the people I had written about would read it. It would just be a resovoir of feelings that I might as well keep to myself. I guess I’ve been waiting for the right forum. I believe that Blog’s, with their infinite cybertext and unlimited audience, is a more perfect fit for this subject than Brett Perriman to the run and shoot offense. Three, because if I wrote these kind of things on BP it would lose some of it’s integrity because BP is mostly to perpetuate meeting people, where as the blog is pretty much confined to people who already know how much my friends and family mean to me so it’s not as if I’m trying to impress them with anything. It would be kind of like me running for public office and talking about how I’m anti Gay marriage because it’s against God’s law…I may actually feel that way but it could be percieved as though I’m saying that just to gain favor of a certain voter audience. I would not belittle my feelings to have them subjected to that kind of question. I’ve chosen as my frist topic a very special individual. Why not start with my favorite. Her name is Saia Michelle Smith. In my youth I, much like now, had a lot of love and longed for different avenues to share it. I wished for a sibling as long as I can remember understanding the concept. I remember my mom pregnant, and feeling the baby kick. I remember being called from the hospital by my father at age eight and having him tell me there was a girl there who wanted to speak to me. Me not having known where my parents went all I could think of was the girl I was infatuated with at the time and how she knew who my dad was to tell him to call me. My aunt Sharon reminded me that when Saia was very young I used to brush her hair in her sleep. Sometimes she would be irritated and turn her head so I would brush the other side. I would have very vivid images of bad things happening to her that would hurt and scare me. It sounds crazy but one of my worse fears was that Saia would be dropped into the pool of water in the tigers pit at the zoo. For a long time whenever I would lean to her to kiss her cheek in her sleep she would smile. And I would sit and entertain myself kissing her cheek over and over again and watching her smile everytime. Not so may years later I would play the same game except she would frown. It was just as amusing to me and also amusing in differentiating between them. Sometimes I would go to her and kiss her cheek and she would wake just long enough to tell me goodnight. Saia was my best friend from the beginning. As a child I probably mishandled her often. I treated her as my equal even though she was eight years younger. My expectations of her were that of myself. I think it made her grow up faster but I think it also served to make her superior intellectually. One of the momments of my greatest shame even to this day was when I earned my sister a spanking after I stole some soap out of a store and blamed it on her. My mom asked her, my two year old sister, why she would steal to which she responded she didn’t know. I apologized later to Saia and she forgave me even though I’m sure she didn’t even remember she had gotten spanked earlier. But that encompasses the essence of our relationship. It doesn’t really matter what happened. What’s important to her is that I was ok. And if she had to take a whipping for me than that was just water under the bridge to her. I have never, not one single time been jealous of my sister. I’ve certainly not needed for anything growing up and I had more toys and fun things than I can handle. When Saia got more fun things than me and got them sooner than I did it never struck me as unfair. To me it made perfect sense cause she is the princess. For a long time we shared a room and me and Saia would sleep together at night. I held her the way you would hold a teddybear while you sleep. In my mind I asked for her and she belonged to me. I am a pretty different person around my family than I am around the rest of the world. The rest of the world gets some perception of myself I wish to impart on them in combination with weaknesses I’m embarased for my family to know. But my immediate family gets an altogether different person, one more like the pristine Gian before I tried to make myself into the person I wanted to be. And for that reason I can say I’ve shared with Saia more than I’ve shared with any other person. And even though she may not know much about the way I act now, there is no one who knows me better. There are very distinct differences between me and my cousin Lee. But there are very subtle events that brought about these drastic differences. I would be Lee right now (not to say anything is wrong with Lee. Just that something would be wrong with me being Lee) if I didn’t have Saia. If I didn’t have a friend unconditionally to make it easier to open up to the world, and allow the world in. Someday my parents won’t be with me anymore. I will be greatly saddened by this and I will only have one person to turn to. I can no longer assign any particular present to any particular Chirstmas morning. But the only thing I do remember for certain was Saia and my mom. And I would wake up early in the morning and Me and the first thing I would do would be to go to Saia, so we could get our presents together. I remember giving her piggy back rides and just always wanting to carry her. I remember that I’ve forgotten more inside jokes of ours than I’ve had with everyone else I’ve known combined. Now those are some of the reasons why I like her. And these things would remain true to me no matter what happened from now on. But the woman that Saia is now makes me very proud. Sometimes I worry that my synicism rubbed off too much. But she has wit because of it. She’s absolutely brilliant and I don’t care that she’s smarter than me even though she’s significantly younger. Whenever I think of how big of a screw up I am I think about myself in relation to Saia and how much of a triumph she is. And I don’t feel like a screw up. I feel like I’m part of some special achievement. Saia has been cool and had personality as long as she’s been able to speak. She’s never cared about impressing my friends. And she’s rubbed people the right way with her charisma since she was an articulate two year old talking like and adult to adults. She is the most capable person I’ve ever known personally. And the most admirable person I’ve ever adored.
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